Yes, here I am. I know I haven’t updated this since 2012, but it’s time to get back on that wagon.
I’ll be posting new content, though I’m aiming for one post per week instead of 3-5. Burnout isn’t pretty.
Also, I’ll be editing my previous posts, and removing most of the pictures since I’m pretty sure I’m violating some sort of copyright law there. Perhaps some illustrations will replace them? Hmm.
So stay tuned. If you want to be a writer, you have to write, so here it goes again.
So, SantaCon is (by this point) an international parade of Santas and drunkenness.
The NYC one is pretty huge every year, though I had never gone before. Mostly because I didn’t want to be trampled by surly Santas. But since I’m never one to turn down an opportunity to wear a costume in public, I decided to attend.
The celebration was on December 15 this year, and it was crowded, but luckily not the shit show I had been anticipating. I dressed as a reindeer and swam as a furry lump of brown in a sea of cheap red velveteen. People were drunk, and I got stepped on a few times, but most people were actually more jolly than out of control. Every bar even vaguely on the Santa route had people lining up for 30+ minutes just to get inside, so my co-worker and I popped into the largest bars we could find. Once inside, it was nearly impossible to get a drink, but with patience, we were finally able to enjoy ourselves amidst the nearly 30,000 people dressed up and hammered that day.
Also, these photos have once again reminded me that I need to lose some weight. Sigh. Below are also photos of a packed Santa bar (off the route, so at least you could breathe in there), and this one girl’s awesome homemade menorah costume. All the candles lit up!
Yes, I understand why it was cancelled, and it was clearly appropriate to do so, but I can’t help but be disappointed all the same. I spent so much time and energy on my costume, only to miss out on the annual NYC Halloween Parade.
Oh, well. Next year!
I at least did get to dress up on the Saturday before Halloween, though the pictures I took were terrible since I was in a rush, and I figured I’d get better photos the day of the parade. Oops? So I have no close-ups of my makeup, though I’ve linked to the YouTube tutorials I used below.
A group of teenage girls ran screaming from me in the street, then came up to me and wanted my photo, so I think the costume was a success! According to many, I looked terrifying (and unrecognizable) at night in NYC.
I used a combination of makeup tutorials, mostly from this video and this one. I used black and white Wolfe FX makeup, and lots of cheap black eye shadow and makeup brushes from the dollar store. I actually completely forgot to paint in the cracks on my skull, which I’ll have to fix if I ever do this makeup again. Most parts of the costume were from China via eBay. I look super short and stumpy in this photo because 1) I am really short, 2) The skirt was long (below the knee), which didn’t help matters, and 3) My roommate who took the photo is considerably taller than me. Sigh.
As has been covered on this blog before, I really like pumpkins and Halloween. Last year, I wrote about my annual pumpkin party, where friends get together to eat pumpkin goodies and carve late into the night.
This past weekend was my 6th annual pumpkin party, and this year’s internet-themed pumpkin is, of course, Gangnam Style. In the past, I’ve done LOLcat (LOLkin?) and Dramatic Chipmunk/Prairie Dog pumpkins.
This year, I tried to raise the bar by attempting text not only in English, but also in Korean. This took ages, and was pretty much a terrible idea, but I think it turned out okay in the end. I messed up the first “a” and “n” in “Gangnam,” but I tried my best!
So I know hundreds of blogs have covered this topic, but there were some costumes even I was surprised by this year, so here we are.
So we have not one but TWO Sexy Russian Communist costumes, and what are essentially Sexy Nazis, but without the swastikas.
Sexy Palace Guard
This just cracks me up since it’s one of the satirical costumes featured in the Girls’s Costume Warehouse video, and now it’s for real. One of these years, I’ll dress up as the Sexy 1900s Steel Conglomerate Tycoon.
So these are PASTIES NOT COSTUMES! Why in the world are they in the costumes section?
Sexy Board Games
I really don’t understand this trend. We have Sexy Etch-a-Sketch, Monopoly, Darts (x2), Tic-Tac-Toe, Twister (x2), and Operation (x2). I was a little surprised not to see a Battleship-themed costume given the movie. Hollywod really missed a tie-in there.
Sexy Breakfast Cereal
This also baffles me. These aren’t even costumes. Why did Kellogg’s think anyone would want these?
Okay, so I know corn isn’t actually a fruit, but it’s fruit-adjacent. Or something. Is there someone out there seeking some hot corn action?
Sexy Jager Bomb, Rum, Martini, and Beer. Sure, why not. They’re no more stupid than the rest of these.
Sexy Non-Sexy Things
Cindy Brady is seven years old. Little Orphan Annie is 11. Just think about that. Brian from Family Guy is a cartoon dog. When’s the last time you thought about the insane sex appeal of golf, one of the most boring sports ever? There is a girl here sincerely trying to stir your loins as a pink TV remote control.
And here we have the weirdest ones, at least to me. When you were watching the Honey Badger video, were you thinking how much you’d like to fuck that animal who eats poisonous snakes and munches on bees? The next girl has a terrifying gaping maw on her bright pink stomach. Is this one supposed to be referencing something? And the coup de grace is the Sexy Tarantula, who appeals to absolutely no one on Earth, except perhaps some creepy guy who masturbates to Arachnophobia. We must stop this madness.