Home > Bitching, Disturbing, Funny, Silliness, Strange, Things I Actually Like, Weird > The Time I Watched Birdemic

The Time I Watched Birdemic

Epic Birdemic fight scene! Look at those hangers beat back the avian horde!

 
So I have to admit, I’m a sucker for really terrible movies. Well, at least as long as I’m allowed to make fun of them.

I watched MST3K often back in the day, and enjoy RiffTrax now. Whether it’s awful cinematography, atrocious editing, or clunky (yet quotable!) dialogue, I just can’t get enough.

My favorite for a while now has been The Room, starring the vaguely European melted visage of Tommy Wiseau, who also directed, wrote, and produced the thing. Rumors regarding the production of this film are endless, but it’s clear that the tragedy was inexplicably well-funded. And there are just so many quotable lines (“Oh, hai, Mark!”, “You are tearing me apart, Lisa!”) that the whole thing has become a cult movie experience complete with midnight showings. I went to one in NYC where the theater floor was so littered with spoons by the end that you could hardly walk.

Manos: The Hands of Fate (on YouTube here) is another oldie but goodie, and was reportedly made only as the result of a bar room bet. The plodding pace, ridiculous editing (the camera used could only record 32 seconds of footage at a time), dubbed voices, and the beauty that is Torgo make this movie a keeper.

And who could forget Puma Man or Space Mutiny? There are just too many to list, but you should really check some of these out.

Last night, I loaded up the RiffTrax version of Birdemic: Shock and Terror, released in 2008. The audio for half the movie is so low that no dialogue can be understood (not that it matters), and a good portion of the running time is dedicated to the slow driving and parking prowess of the lead actor. For 45 minutes, a boring and stilted love story takes place without a bird in sight. Then suddenly, as the leads are consummating their union in a dirty motel room, a bunch of poorly animated CGI birds start bombing the city. Literally, they fly with fighter plane sound effects, and leave “explosions” in their wake that look like someone held a lit match up to the camera. The birds appear again and again, sometimes sounding like planes, sometimes like seagulls or hawks, but always loud and annoying. Each time, the birds are clipart or animated GIFs that barely move their wings at all as they hover and screech. Random assault rifles and handguns appear out of thin air to combat the aerial menace. Happy Meals are begged for, and stock options are discussed. Polar bears eat things, such as seals. Spruce bark beetles are total assholes. The moral of the movie appears to be that you need to stop littering, or else you’ll be killed by birds. Makes sense.

A sequel is reportedly in the works, which is pretty exciting. Will it cost more than $10K to make? I hope not – I’d like it to preserve the charm of the original.

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