Home > Anxiety, Bitching, College, Disgusting, Disturbing, Neurosis, Silliness, Strange, Worry > The Time I Considered Public Bathroom Etiquette

The Time I Considered Public Bathroom Etiquette


So, I get annoyed by people who are afraid of public peeing and/or pooping. Well, annoyed and saddened, I suppose.

I’m sure this applies to both men and women, but since I’m a girl, I’m going to talk about the female side of things here. Sometimes you’ll walk into a public bathroom at work, and you’ll notice someone patiently waiting on the pot, doing nothing and saying nothing. It’s as if she’s sitting there, just passing the time, perhaps reading a book.

But if you wait there long enough, you’ll see her feet begin to twitch in agony. There will be an occasional flush, just to break the silence. Sometimes the person will just get up and walk out of the bathroom altogether, only returning when you’ve left the premises.

These are the public corprophobics. I just want to tell them that everybody poops, and that they shouldn’t be so scared. It’s okay to poop in front of others! Rejoice in it! Embrace the sweet relief!

But alas, these people are everywhere, making me self-conscious about my own public bathroom activities. In college, I’d be obnoxious and would refuse to leave the floor bathroom when I knew a scared pooper was in there. “Just do it!” I’d shout. “I’m doing you a public service and breaking you of your harmful habits!” These shy women with full bowels did not agree with my assessment, and would eventually retreat to other floors to poop in peace.

Even now at work, there are issues. If I’m in there doing my makeup in the bathroom, suddenly I’ll realize I’ve been keeping some pour soul from letting loose for a quarter of an hour. They were so quiet that I thought I was alone, but once I’ve noticed them, I have a decision to make. Do I leave for 10+ minutes, letting them do their business, then reenter to finish my makeup amongst the stench of their fresh feces? Do I try and finish up as quickly as possible, hastily jamming mascara in my eye and blinding myself? Do I just keep going as usual, knowing that I’m causing someone’s bowel to painfully swell with each moment I linger?

Just let it loose, ladies! I really wouldn’t care if someone pooped while I was in there, but apparently the shame is just too great for some.

  1. Mariko Kumanomido
    May 16, 2012 at 9:57 am

    I love you Tamar!

  2. August 22, 2012 at 10:50 am

    I am ashamed to say, I am one of those people. Having said that, I don’t mind letting go if I know I can make a swift exit without being seen by the person in the next lav. I shall however, now try to rid myself of this habit and embrace my poo….

    • August 22, 2012 at 10:54 am

      Have no shame, we’re all the same! Yay for regular bowel movements!

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