Home > Alcohol, Drinking, Food, New York, Things I Actually Like, Whiteness > The Time I Tried to Defend Brunch

The Time I Tried to Defend Brunch

brunch

A surprising number of people I know hate brunch. The very concept of breakfast in the afternoon offends their delicate sensibilities. True, in New York City at least, it seems like a pretty bourgeois thing to do. Groups of friends, mostly white women, cram together at a table meant for only two, then proceed to get loud, obnoxious, and drunk. The waits for NYC brunch spots are atrocious, and can often extend for more than two hours for a table. The prices are more lunch than breakfast, and the more hoity-toity restaurants will charge upwards of $10 for a small cocktail. Another complaint I heard once was that brunch gives you a shitty menu that is neither breakfast nor lunch, then jacks up the price at least 20%. Also, as a girl, you’re for some reason expected to dress up for brunch and look “cute.”

This is bullshit, and it doesn’t have to be this way. I am here today to defend brunch, so without further ado…

  1. Belgian waffles and eggs benedict are the shit: Yeah, you can get these at breakfast places, too, but who the hell wakes up that early on the weekend? I don’t usually enter the land of the living until 1 pm or so, and damn it, I want fun breakfast foods, too!
  2. Day drinking becomes socially acceptable: Sure, if you’re still in college, day drinking is always acceptable. But once you start to have mortgages and 401Ks, wandering around with a bottle at noon becomes somewhat frowned upon. Brunch brings drinks into a sunny, quaint cafe that serves homemade baguettes. That makes the drinking sort of European and cosmopolitan, right? Instead of being the furtive habit of an alcoholic?
  3. Unlimited drinking deals: Hey, when’s the last time you got a meal and unlimited drinks for $20-25? In Manhattan, that’s a hell of a deal, and it’s a way to drink with your friends on the cheap without feeling like a hermit in your apartment.
  4. Sunglasses during a meal are expected: You are probably hung over at your brunch, and nobody wants to see your ugly-ass eyes. Keep ’em covered, and know that many other so-called rules of etiquette are suspended during a brunch with friends. Feel free to text, or talk about inappropriate sexual exploits.
  5. Unhealthy foods are encouraged, and plentiful: Shit, did you just order a salad with your meal? Replace those with home fries. Who do you think you are?
  6. Unholy food creations are de rigueur: You want a hamburger with sausage, bacon, guacamole, AND a fried egg on top? Shit, that’s all? Any brunch kitchen has all that and more. Go ahead and mix your breakfast and lunch ingredients together! Shrimp and eggs, grits and pico de gallo, whatever.
  7. Dim sum: Possibly the best brunch of all. Sit in Chinatown, order possibly horrific items off a dozen carts, and eat until you can no longer walk.

Though, you know, this post from the blog What White Chicks Cherish pretty much sums it all up.

Damn it, I guess I really am pretty white. Not that my paleness left anything in doubt, but still. I usually try not to act too much like a white chick, but here we are. Reading a post extolling the virtues of brunch. I am ashamed of myself.

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