Home > Anxiety, Funny, My Brother, Silliness, Stupidity > The Time My Brother Pierced His Own Ear

The Time My Brother Pierced His Own Ear

February 8, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

When my brother was in 8th grade, all he wanted was to have his ear pierced, but my mom said that he was too young. Undaunted, he decided to take matters into his own hands. His own shaky, clammy hands.

As detailed previously, my brother has some problems with blood. Namely, that it makes him swoon like a Victorian girl with the vapors. Even knowing this, his desire for an ear stud was so powerful that he was willing to risk fainting, and possibly peeing himself, to get one. Why was he so determined? Well, in my brother’s words:

There was a guy who was in a juvenile offender’s home, but came to our school during the day for classes. And he had his ear pierced (just one – the left). He did it himself, which was easy to imagine, because he was made of good, firm, criminal stuff. Anyway, he was cool, had reportedly had sex any number of times, and had been arrested more than that.

My brother would have done anything to gain such notoriety.

So he waited until my parents had left on some errand, then took one of my dad’s 27-gauge allergy needles and set to work. Now, allergy needles are absurdly thin, so a hole made with one wouldn’t even accommodate an earring, but I don’t think he was thinking logically at the time.

He headed outside to the deck, perhaps hoping that the cool air would help steel his nerves. He took a deep breath, plunged the needle into his earlobe, and instantly fainted. He woke up with his mouth full of sand, and realized he had fallen head-first into a sandbox beneath the deck. He had somehow managed to slump in between the railings on the deck, slithering down unconscious to the level below. His face was scraped up, his ear was bleeding, and his jaw felt sore. An inspection of his mouth revealed that he had a massive chip in his front tooth.

Knowing that my parents would be home soon, he sprang to his feet and tried to clean himself up a bit. But when they arrived, his disheveled appearance was fooling no one. He insisted that nothing had happened, but the huge gap in his smile begged to differ.

My parents finally wrangled the whole embarrassing story out of him, and later my mom took him to the mall to get his ears pierced for real. She figured that if he was willing to stab himself, then there was nothing she could do to stop him.

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