Home > Bitching, Fun Childhood, Internet Horrors, Traumatic Childhood > The Time I Built My First Horrible Website

The Time I Built My First Horrible Website

October 13, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

I wish I had a screenshot of my first website, but alas it was on FortuneCity, a precursor to GeoCities which no longer exists. Though I just realized FortuneCity is actually still around?! Ee gods.

Anyway, FortuneCity started in 1997, and was one of the early sites that offered free web hosting. I was in 6th grade, had my first screen name through AOL, a copy of “HTML for Dummies,” and was ready to CREATE. Back in those days, many web hosting companies thought of a personal website as your “house” on a digital street. You had to pick a district to “live” in, complete with different streets and addresses. To get a URL, you had to “move in” by clicking on a little digital house. Quaint. GeoCities did the same thing, and my next four websites (all equally terrible) resided in the “Tokyo” neighborhood there.

Every horrible animated GIF of the era found itself on my page. The background was black with flashing animated stars, which partially obscured the white text I typed on top of the whole mess. I had the little “Under Contruction” digging guy, the email button where a letter is flying into a mailbox, and of course endless divider lines of poorly animated flames.

I thought I was pretty hot shit.

I had my terrible graphics and unreadable text, so I figured having actual content was a luxury I didn’t need. I actually had a page where I collected even more horrible GIFs, then made another page to house 15 “adopted” hand-drawn kittens that I found on someone else’s website. I joined countless webrings simply to drive traffic to my black hole of a site. I finished it off with a looping midi sound file in the background that was impossible to turn off.

Later, I decided to write my own broken Javascript to make a link menu that took over ten minutes to load on dial-up. Together with the hundreds of animations crammed into every HTML corner, the index page of the website took 15+ minutes to load for a new visitor. I put up a guestbook so that people could then comment on the wonder of my website, and obsessively checked my hit counter every few minutes.  Classy!

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  1. September 6, 2012 at 11:30 am

    So…what you’re really saying here is that you made the first-ever MySpace page?

    • September 6, 2012 at 3:24 pm

      Only with more anime, but yes. The horror. The……..horror.

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