The Time I Cooked Roast Chinjao

More Nintendo cooking, and once again we have a rather Chinese dish, but it’s very well-known in Japan. We’ve gotten through a lot of cooking words with the past few recipes, so if you see words here you don’t recognize, check back in my past Japanese cooking posts. With that said, let’s get cooking!

チンジャオロース – Roast Chinjao

Yield: 4 servings

Ingredients:

English	Japanese
200 g thinly sliced beef	牛肉（網焼き用）　２００ｇ
2 tsp + 1 Tbsp soy sauce	しょうゆ　小さじ２＋大さじ１
1 tsp + 1 Tbsp sake	酒　小さじ１＋大さじ１
2 tsp potato starch (corn starch is fine)	片栗粉　小さじ２
1 tsp + 1/2 tsp sesame oil	ゴマ油　小さじ１＋小さじ１/２
4 green bell peppers	ピーマン　４個
4 cm green onion	白ねぎ　４ｃｍ長さ
1 1/3 cm fresh ginger	しょうが　２/３片
2 cloves garlic	にんにく　２片
1 Tbsp oyster sauce	オイスターソース　大さじ１/４
1/2 Tbsp sugar	砂糖　大さじ１/２
Dash of pepper	こしょう　少々
1 Tbsp water	水　大さじ１
4 tsp salad oil	サラダ油　小さじ４

 

Preparation:

De-seed and core the bell pepper, then slice lengthwise into thin strips. Mince the 4 cm green onion finely. Peel the 1 1/3 cm fresh ginger, then mince finely. Peel the 2 cloves of garlic, then mince finely. Set aside.

Cut the 200 g thinly sliced beef into narrow strips. Place the beef in a bowl, then cover with 2 tsp soy sauce, 1 tsp sake, and 2 tsp potato starch. Mix well. Pour 1 tsp sesame oil into the center of the meat, then set aside.

In a small bowl, mix together 1 Tbsp sake, 1 Tbsp oyster sauce, 1 Tbsp soy sauce, 1/2 Tbsp sugar, dash of pepper, 1/2 tsp sesame oil, and 1 Tbsp water. Set aside.

Add 2 tsp salad oil to a frying pan and set on high heat. Add the beef and stir until it’s color changes to brown. Place on a plate and set aside.

Add 2 tsp salad oil to a frying pan and set on medium heat. Add the green onion, ginger, and garlic, then cook until they begin to smell strongly. Add the bell pepper and stir, then add the beef again. Add the soy sauce mixture from before, then turn the heat to high. Stir until most of the sauce is gone, then transfer to a plate and enjoy.

Vocabulary:

Japanese	Romaji	Meaning
牛肉	gyūniku	Beef
片栗粉	katakuriko	Potato starch (very much like corn starch)
ゴマ	goma	Sesame seeds
油	abura	Oil
白ねぎ	shironegi	Green onion (though literally “white onion” in Japanese)
にんにく	nin-niku	Garlic
こしょう	koshō	Pepper (can refer to black or white, but is usually black)
種	tane	Seeds; kernels
みじん切りにする	mijin kiri ni suru	To cut finely; mince
皿	sara	Plate; dish
さいばし	saibashi	Long chopsticks for cooking and serving food
手早くほぐす	tebayaku hogusu	To quickly loosen or separate (here, used to decribe quickly stirring the meat in the pan)
香り	kaori	Smell; scent; aroma; fragrance

The Time I Thought About Humans as Food

Yes, this is a sandwich made of human placenta.

Somehow, my coworkers always manage to make me feel like some sort of freak.

Today, I mentioned that I often wondered what humans tasted like. Were they more like pork, or like beef? And what type of wine would you serve for the occasion?

A vegetarian coworker mentioned that she read somewhere (yeah, right, she’s totally a cannibalistic serial killer) that human flesh tasted rather like pork. Which means I would serve a white wine instead of a Chianti with fava beans. I know pigs are similar to us anatomically since they’re used so often in biology class, but does that mean our muscles taste the same, too? And now all I can think of are preserved fetal pigs, and the horrible smell that accompanies them when they’re slapped onto your dissection tray.

Anyway.

My coworkers were horrified by my musings, especially when I named who I thought would put up the least fight if we were stranded on a desert island. Sadly, all of us on the marketing team are rather bony by American standards, so the meat would be considerably less marbled than I’d prefer.

A quick Google search reveals quotes from cannibals of the past, one of whom compared the meat to “good, fully developed veal.” But most others seem have formed the consensus that humans do, in fact, taste like pork. Does this mean you could make human bacon from the belly of an overweight adult?

I have heard that some new mothers have taken to eating their own placentas. It’s practically a trend (yes, that’s four different links there), with scientists studying the phenomenon and actresses jumping on board. I can’t really think of anything MORE disgusting to eat than a placenta, but I’ve seen recipes where it’s made into tacos. TACOS. BLOODY FUCKING TACOS.

My mom actually saved her placenta after I was born, but not so she could make it into a damn casserole. I think the idea was that she would plant the placenta under a tree, which would then grow while being nourished by her own bodily fluids. This tree would become “my” tree after sharing a placenta with me. But it never happened since my mom put the placenta in the freezer after I was born (I was born at home), and it was forgotten amongst the hamburger patties and ice cream. By the time it was rediscovered, we were moving to another house, and it was a biohazard. Totally gross, but at least she didn’t EAT IT.

I hope to never find out what humans taste like myself, but I can’t help but wonder. Does that make me a terrible person? I don’t think so, but then again, my tolerance for the grotesque seems to be far beyond the norm, so I doubt I’m part of a representative sample.