Home > Animals, Bitching, Traumatic Childhood > The Time I Was Molested by a Dog

The Time I Was Molested by a Dog

Dog Balls

When I was in junior high school, my friend had a great big chocolate labrador named Apollo.

Apollo was huge, with a head about the size of my torso, and his family kept him unneutered so as to breed him in the future. He seemed an altogether happy dog, and followed most commands. Well, except when he got into his sexual frenzies.

I remember the first incident I witnessed one New Year’s Eve. Too young to drink or go out, I was watching the ball drop at my friend’s house when Apollo came by, sniffed around, then started furiously humping a throw pillow. I mean, he was just decimating this pillow, scooting across the floor with each thrust.

My friend’s family giggled nervously, but mostly ignored the scene. It became apparent that this spectacle was no stranger to this home. After a few minutes, Apollo finally jizzed all over the pillow, and a good portion of the floor. I was horrified, seeing as how this was my first look at real, live sperm, but my friend’s mom just calmly got some paper towels and cleaned it up.

Months later, my friend and I were playing some sort of shrieky teenage game in the back yard. I was eating Twizzlers and running around in the sun. Innocent. Apollo was let out to join in the fun, but he had this glint in his eyes.

A glint that said, clearly, “I’m going to fuck the shit out of you.”

Sure enough, he came up behind me, knocked me to the ground, and began humping like his life depended on it. My half-chewed Twizzler flew out of mouth as I screamed for help, but my friend and her family just laaaaughed and laaaaughed. Despite the fact that their dog was trying to impregnate me through my jeans, it looked like there would be no help from that corner.

I tried pushing the massive dog off of me, but he weighed more than me, and so I just had to take it. I closed my eyes and continued trying to wriggle away. In retrospect, all that movement was probably taken by Apollo as encouragement.

Saliva from his gaping maw dripped on my shirt, and soon jizz joined the grass, sweat, and spit-stained Jackson Pollock painting on my back.

I don’t remember details from the rest of the day, but I’m pretty sure it involved a long, hot shower and scrubbing with steel wool.

  1. Tyler Kneeves
    August 1, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Dafuq did i just read

  2. August 27, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    OMG! That dog was too big for someone your size! That family is full of horrible and they should have kept pugs, instead. At least you can kick those off! I mean, like, kick them off your body when they are trying to put their puppies in you.

    • August 28, 2012 at 12:10 pm

      Hahaha, Apollo wasn’t a bag dog, just overly sexed. But yeah, it was pretty traumatic.

  3. L
    November 21, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    thats fucking hilarious…i would have just laughed and not helped too

    • lydia
      July 21, 2013 at 8:59 am

      thats not hilarious at all -_- rape is still rape even if its a animal doing the rape. I would have sued that family if that was my daughter.

  4. James
    February 3, 2013 at 10:45 am

    …amazing

  5. John
    August 11, 2013 at 6:02 am

    Oh my God…

  6. Dargon
    October 2, 2013 at 12:51 am

    And that children is why I carry a knife.

    • kyoyen
      January 24, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      why? cuz on some off chance you might get raped by a dog?

  7. Danny
    December 11, 2013 at 10:54 am

    You people are ridiculously gullible.

  8. Mars
    December 29, 2013 at 8:05 am

    It’s disgusting that your friends family watched and jeered while you were physically, sexually and I’m sure emotionally assaulted. Someone should have been held accountable for that.

  1. January 25, 2012 at 10:22 am
  2. March 2, 2012 at 9:39 am
  3. July 20, 2012 at 12:45 pm

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